


The Light (episode novelization)

by haloford



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: DJ goes crazy (again), Episode Related, Episode Tag, Gen, Why do I love being mean to the archeologist?, episode novelization, season 4
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-13 01:31:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16883061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haloford/pseuds/haloford
Summary: After Lt. Dean Barber kills himself by the Stargate's unstable vortex and the rest of his team are mysteriously dying, SG-1 links the team's routine mission to P4X-347 to be responsible, as they find a highly beautiful, yet very addictive light.This is a novelization of the Season 4 episode 'THE LIGHT.'





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is my second ever fanfic in writing. All the fanfic stuff I've done before has been either a web series or a fanfilm. I hope you enjoy it! It's a novelization of an episode with a couple additional scenes to better explain what happened off camera.
> 
> It uses dialogue and references to a season 4 episode but I don't own it. All that's mine is the novelization of it.
> 
> Since it's my second fanfic, I'd love to know what anyone thinks of it. Hope you enjoy it!

**PROLOGUE**

Lieutenant Dean Barber of the United States Marine Corps had only been a Lieutenant for a short time and a member of SG-5 for even less time. The patch on his uniform was so new that no threads had even come loose yet and he was fastidious about keeping it that way as long as possible. He had pride in it. He had pride in his entire uniform. His boots were perfectly polished and laced with precision. His jacket was smooth and hung well on his tall frame. His pants, despite being standard issue BDUs, almost looked like they had iron creases in the edges.

In comparison, Colonel Jack O’Neill was slightly rumpled as he bounded down the staircase into the main control room for Stargate Command, jacket open and flapping with the downward descent.

“Barber!” he called as the tech locked in the first chevron of the Stargate in the Gate room below. “When you get there, give this to Daniel will ya?” he asked as he pulled a folded twenty dollar bill from his pocket.

Barber looked at it and then back up at Jack, not quite understanding. “Sir?”

“We had a bet.” Barber didn’t look any less confused. Jack smirked and shoved his hands into his pockets, rocking back slightly on his heels, his impish smile beaming on his face. “I lost.”

His smirk was met with a blank stare as if Barber’s eyes suddenly stopped focusing on him and instead his attention went fully to the sound of the Stargate spinning  and the second chevron locking.

“What’d you bet on?” Major Samantha Carter inquired as she edged alongside her commanding officer.

“Sports related,” he mumbled cryptically to her before reaching out to tap Barber on the arm. “Just give it to him. He’ll know what it means.”

Barber pulled himself back from his near hypnosis as the third chevron locked into place. “Uh, yes sir,” he responded, turning to leave.

“What sport?” Sam asked, finding it hard to believe that Dr. Daniel Jackson, team archeologist and resident linguist turned diplomat, would even know enough about sports to place a bet. Then again, he did open the Stargate for them years prior, doing in two weeks what took the military’s brightest minds two years to not figure out. He was full of surprises.

“Hmm?” Jack hummed in an attempt to distract her.

“What sport did you bet on?” she repeated.

With Jack O’Neill, half the time even his own teammates couldn’t figure out if he was being serious or deadpan joking. Such was the case when he answered, “Curling.”

Even though Sam wanted to ask Jack if he seriously watched curling, she instead found herself asking, eyes narrowed in disbelief, “Daniel bet on curling?”

It wasn’t typical of Daniel to get engrossed in sports, though she knew there had been at least a few occasions of him having hockey games thrust on him and he seemed to be picking up the lingo of it. Ever since the recent appearance of Shifu, the Harcesis son of Sha’re and the Goa’uld Apophis, Daniel had only slowly began to reconnect with his team. He was still distracted, throwing himself into his work with a fervor he had lacked just prior to the boy showing up, but he was slow in coming out of his self-imposed exile.

“Oh yes,” Jack said with a hint of sing-song that she still couldn’t entirely gauge the sincerity of. “His team won the big Bonspiel.” Whatever that was. Sam could just assume it was some sort of actual curling tournament. Unlike Jack, she wasn’t very up on the sports of Minnesota.

“Okay. You don’t want to tell me what the bet is, that’s fine,” she said with a smile as she turned to follow along to join SG-5.

“Have fun!” Jack called after her as he trailed along in amusement.

While they headed to the Gate room, Sam turned to glance at him. “So sir, are you sure you’d rather take the weekend off than come with me to see this place?”

“Oh you know how I get when I work my ass off,” he joked. “In fact, I’d have figured you’d want some time off to yourself by now.”

When they entered the Gate room, Barber was already there waiting at the bottom of the ramp. It wasn’t entirely unusual for newer members of the teams to stand right up near the edge of the ramp as the wormhole activated so they never even paid attention to the intensity with which he stared at the ring while it spun toward the last chevron.

“Oh I do but Daniel says that of all the--” Sam stopped in her tracks and turned toward Jack, realization hitting. “That was the bet? Whether or not I’d go? Don’t you have anything better to do?”

Before Jack could retort, Sam watched his face fall in shock and loud bootfalls hit the metal of the ramp. The last chevron had clicked into place and the thrum of energy was building that signalled the gate about to engage. Barber was already halfway up the ramp when Jack shouted out to him.

They could just watch in shock as the wormhole formed, splashing outward and engulfing the young lieutenant's form, vaporizing it.

Ice flooded through Sam’s veins as she stood there helpless and staring. “Oh my god.”


	2. Crossing my fingers that they're instructions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel returns to Stargate Command and finds out Barber killed himself.

General George Hammond, commander of the SGC, watched down from the briefing room as Daniel tromped down the ramp into the Gate room, following after the rest of SG-5 that had been with him still on the planet. Teal’c had already returned with the bulk of their equipment, leaving Daniel’s hands mostly free for once. Jack moved over to meet him.

“Jack, you’ve got to see this,” Daniel started out, only to be abruptly cut off.

“Daniel. There’s been an incident.”

Daniel brushed off Jack’s interruption. “Yeah I know, I got your message. But this is really important! There’s this light in this amazing--”

“Barber’s dead.” Jack’s voice was louder than he intended and it sounded sharp even to his ears. At least it was enough to get Daniel to stop talking long enough to listen.

And it worked, getting Daniel’s full attention. “What?”

“Come on,” Jack said as he gently pulled Daniel’s along to follow him to the briefing room and Hammond looked back over at the table. Teal’c and Sam were already sitting around it and he called for SG-5 to report for their physicals before receiving the news of their dead teammate.

Daniel shrugged out of his gear and jacket before heading into the briefing room and taking his customary seat.

“Did Lieutenant Barber show any signs of depression while on the mission?” Hammond asked Daniel. It was worrisome to think that he may have somehow slipped through the net of psych evals that all off-world teams had to endure before assignment and periodically throughout their missions.

“The opposite,” Daniel assured him. “He was fine.”

Jack’s frown deepened slightly, etching further into his face. “How long had he been back?”

Sam thought for a moment. “Well, he hadn’t even been Earthside for forty eight hours,” she pointed out.

Jack nodded slightly and glanced back toward Teal’c. “What was he doing?” he asked the Jaffa.

“Awaiting the results of a translation with which I was assisting Daniel Jackson.”

Daniel shook his head, still unwilling to believe what he’d been hearing. “If you’re asking me if he was suicidal, he wasn’t,” he insisted. “He was fine. He was-- he was better than fine. Didn’t anyone talk to him or like even notice anything?”

Teal’c shook his head.

“We were all taken by surprise,” Sam admitted, worrying at the cuticle of her thumbnail. How could they have missed something so dramatic? She couldn’t stop imagining how it must have felt, to race headlong into the forming wormhole, torn apart by space and gravity and freezing cold. She could only hope it had been quick and painless.

Daniel nearly stammered in his drive to figure it out. He couldn’t figure out why they thought he had any more answers than they did. Is it because insanity had proven in the past that it loved him best of all and he had a longstanding relationship with depression?  “Well so am I. I don’t even know what to say.”

The team all looked at each other, letting the uncertainty and grief hang in the air. Any member of Stargate Command, whether they were on a gate team or not, was part of their extended family. Plus they had all liked Dean Barber. He’d had a good sense of humor and was reliable, if still green.

Hammond leaned forward on the table. “We’ll continue to investigate what may have compelled him to do what he did. But it’s been my experience that these questions often go unanswered.”

Jack had been uncharacteristically quiet and still. “Yes sir,” he agreed in a soft voice.

“Dr. Jackson, perhaps you can tell us more about this Goa’uld palace you were studying?” Hammond asked, looking over at Daniel who was lost in thought. “Dr. Jackson?” he repeated a bit firmer and louder, drawing Daniel’s attention back to him.

“Yes? Ah-- uh, sorry. Uhm,” he stuttered out absently, blinking to refocus. He’d been thinking about the device they’d found on the planet, the one he’d been studying so intently and was trying to tell Jack about when he returned. It was beautiful beyond description. He almost started to follow his thoughts down that path once more when Teal’s voice 

Teal’c interjected. “Were there any signs of recent Goa’uld activity?” he asked, paraphrasing what the General had been asking.

“No. I’m pretty sure no one has been there for hundreds of years. But there was this room where there was this pedestal which projected this light matrix hologram onto the ceiling and it was…” he trailed off for a moment, hand motioning as if he was following the lines and flow of the light in his memory. “It was absolutely stunning.”

There was a wistful tone to his voice that made the tiny hairs on the back of Jack’s neck stand up for a moment. He chalked it up to being overly sensitive after the incident with Barber.

“Any idea to its purpose?” Hammond asked.

Daniel shook his head. “Ideas yes, but I was hoping this might tell me more,” he said as he pulled the box in front of him closer and opened it, pulling out a small device that he turned over to study. “It’s kind of like a Goa’uld hand held computer.” He held it up for them to see. “When it’s turned on, it displays this Goa’uld dialect I’ve never seen before and there are similar writings all over the pillars of the palace. I’m thinking, or hoping--” he paused, shrugging, “Crossing my fingers, actually, that they’re instructions.”

“I would be happy to provide further assistance with the translation, Daniel Jackson,” Teal’c offered.

Attention still focused on the device, Daniel glanced up for a second and nodded before going back to studying the device. “Thank you. I was counting on it.” He didn’t even seem to realize he’d finished saying the words since he was already so engrossed in the device.


	3. The wake up call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Daniel can't figure out the device, he snaps and takes Hammond's head off in the process.

Jack swept into Daniel’s office and spotted Teal’c first, sitting at a computer. Before he had a chance to ask where Daniel was, the archeologist brushed past him from behind, beelining toward a table in the back, engrossed in a notebook. Jack watched as he flipped a page before turning to storm across the room without even acknowledging Jack’s presence.

“Hey,” Jack said, turning away from watching Daniel to peer at Teal’c. “Whatcha watching?”

“A digital recording. I am endeavoring to translate the Goa’uld writings of which Daniel Jackson had spoken.”

Jack’s attention once more veered toward Daniel who kept walking briskly across the room from spot to spot. It was distracting, but he still managed to focus back on Teal’c’s next statement.

“Upon a second viewing, I have discovered a figure moving in the background. It does not appear to be one of our personnel.”

Teal’c turned the monitor around for Jack to observe the footage in question as behind him Daniel slammed the notebook down onto the desk in frustration before burying his face in the device again as if intently peering at it with a raw intensity would be enough to uncover its secrets.

Jack bristled but didn’t turn away from the monitor as he watched the screen, a shadow crossing in the background. “He never mentioned anyone else,” he pointed out before Daniel’s presence once again became intrusive.

“What is wrong with this thing?” he snapped. “This thing isn’t working.” Irritation dripped from his voice.

With a sigh, Jack looked up from the monitor. “Did you check the batteries?” he asked sarcastically.

Daniel narrowed his eyes. “I need to go back to the planet and figure out what’s going on.”

Daniel’s impatience and distracting snark was taxing Jack’s patience. “Hammond suggested we do that tomorrow,” he reminded him.

“Well this thing isn’t working and tomorrow isn’t good enough!” Daniel’s voice went a half octave higher and he came dangerously close to sounding like he was about to embark on one of the tantrums he’d been known to throw in the early days of SG-1.

“Yes it is,” Jack replied firmly.

“I’m going to talk to Hammond.” Daniel slammed the device down onto the desk and stormed out, ignoring Jack as he called after him.

Teal’c, who had been watching in his usual silent and stoic manner, turned his troubled eyes toward the team leader and they shared a look of concern before Jack followed him out.

 

Daniel burst into Hammond’s office. “Sir, I need to talk to you,” he said without preamble.

General Hammond set down the paper he’d been reading and motioned to a chair. “Dr. Jackson. Have a seat.”

“No thanks,” Daniel replied, waving off the offer even as Jack slid into the room behind him. Hammond and Jack made eye contact over Daniel’s shoulder and Jack could only offer a shrug in explanation.

“Have you slept at all since you returned?” he asked as he looked away from his second-in-command, frowning in concern as Daniel leaned onto the desk and rolled the kinks out of his neck.

Daniel wasn’t discouraged by the attempt the General made at changing the subject. “I fail to see what that has to do with anything.”

“SG-1 has been hard at it for weeks. I’m not sending you anywhere until you’ve all had at least a solid night’s sleep.” Hammond didn’t mention that he was especially worried about Daniel. On a good day the archeologist relied on too much caffeine and too little actual shut eye but in the two weeks since Shifu had put him into a near-coma state for several hours under the guise of teaching him through dreams, everyone knew that he had been restless and a touch cranky. Even Jack admitted that he thought Daniel was avoiding sleeping as much as possible, likely because of residual dreams creeping in that he refused to talk about.

It was too bad they didn’t have a protocol for mandatory psychiatric evaluations due to lack of rest.

“I’m fine,” Daniel protested with an obstinate expression that bordered on insubordinate.

No, Hammond knew he wasn’t fine. “You’re physically and mentally exhausted.”

Jack didn’t interject, but his expression showed that the General wasn’t the only one concerned.

“I admit I may have been pushing myself a bit,” Daniel continued, “But this device could hold the key to everything about that entire place and I can’t make any more progress on it from here.”

Hammond felt the shift in the mood as Daniel dug in. “You’re scheduled to leave tomorrow morning,” he pointed out. “One more day isn’t going to make a difference.”

“I’m telling you it is!”

Jack pushed himself off the wall where he’d been leaning. “Thank you for your time, sir,” he said in a too-loud voice, hoping Daniel would get the hint.

He did not.

Instead, Daniel slammed his hands onto the desk and leaned in further. “You know, it is beyond my comprehension how anybody like yourself who has so much power can miss the point entirely!” he shouted.

“Hey!” Jack’s voice echoed slightly in the office as he moved toward Daniel and shouted. “Knock it off!”

In comparison, Hammond’s voice was calm and collected. And much quieter. “It’s alright, Colonel.” He gave a slight motion of his hand to the paper on the desk in front of him. “This letter is to Lieutenant Barber’s family, explaining that he died in the service of his country. I’ve spent the last two hours on it. I can’t tell them anything about how he died or any of the work he did here. I can only tell them that now he’s gone. Do you get the point?”

Jack answered for him, giving Daniel no chance to respond on his own. “Yes sir, he does.”

“Get him out of here,” Hammond growled. Daniel brushed off Jack’s motion to take his arm and direct him from the office, instead preferring to walk out on his own. Jack let him pass before turning and watching the back of his head before following after him.

The next morning found Jack, Teal’c and Carter standing in the briefing room waiting their errant archeologist who was running late again. For someone so determined to get back to the planet without delay, Daniel sure was dragging his feet and Jack glanced at his watch one more time.

Sam was hanging up the phone as Hammond came down the stairs. “What’s the delay?” he demanded.

“Daniel hasn’t reported in this morning, sir.”

Hammond just stared at her for a moment. “What?” He wasn’t sure he heard correctly.

Sam motioned to the phone. “I just called him. I think he picked up but now I just get a busy signal.”

“I don’t understand. Yesterday he was demanding to leave immediately.”

Jack slid over, something cold settling into the pit of his stomach that he couldn’t explain. “Maybe I should give him a wake up call, sir?” he offered.

Hammond nodded his consent. “Sounds to me like he could use one.”


	4. We'll get it back. I promise.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack finds Daniel in a precarious situation and Janet has no answers for what's happening to SG-5.

After his latest return from the dead, Daniel had to go through the joyous fun of finding another apartment. Too weary to go through the process again, he simply located an ad for one that had an appropriate amount of square footage, was close enough to the mountain to not make for a horrible commute and seemed to have quiet neighbors. The layout was unusual, being in an old warehouse style building, but Daniel seemed to like it well enough.

Jack, however, hated it.

For one thing, the elevator wasn’t working half the time which meant he never knew until he got there if he had to walk up to his floor. His knees hated him for it. For another thing, it was on a one-way street that meant he had to loop around three blocks before he could get to the parking area. Once he was there, the parking spots were too cramped for him to feel comfortable parking his truck and they were uncovered which meant during winter he had to spend more time clearing snow off the vehicle than he wanted to.

But most of all, he usually hated how far away it seemed from Jack’s part of the world. It was definitely more Daniel’s type of place than his. He’d hate living that close to the busy road. He’d gotten too used to his suburban lifestyle to ever want to live downtown. The places were like day and night. And as he headed there, he cursed every second that he was delayed by traffic and stop lights.

There wasn’t any real reason for the level of worry that coursed through him and he didn’t quite understand it, but it settled into his gut and festered there.

When he finally got to Daniel’s place and found his door had been left cracked open, the cold spread from his belly through the rest of him and he went into a hyper alert mode.

“Daniel?” Jack called out tentatively, pushing the door closed behind him. It didn’t fully close, like it had been tugged so hard that the hinges had bent.

A few steps down the hallway to the open air kitchen counter showed why the phone gave a busy signal when Carter called the last few times. It was sitting there off the hook, having long since gone silent. A kettle screamed in the background of the kitchen, left unattended on the stove.

A cool gust of wind wafted through the apartment and Jack followed it to where he knew Daniel’s home office was tucked away. Before he reached it, he noticed the door to the balcony open. That explained the breeze.

He stepped into the doorway, seeing Daniel on the wrong side of the railing, hands reached back to clutch tightly onto the rail as he leaned out over the road. On this side of the apartment, the balcony jutted out over a busy street and it suddenly seemed very far down. “Daniel?” he repeated, getting no answer. “What are you doing out here?”

There was silence for so long that Jack wasn’t sure Daniel heard him until he finally replied, “None of it means anything.”

“Uhm, Daniel? Why don’t you come inside here?” Jack asked, slowly taking a step onto the balcony. Slow and loud, careful not to startle the younger man hanging over the edge with the voice so laden down with sadness.

Daniel closed his eyes against the burn of tears that threatened to well up. “I tried. It just… goes away.” His voice was thin and needy and Jack watched helplessly as Daniel’s fingertips eased their grip just enough to make his heart plummet.

Suddenly Jack wished that Carter had come with him. Maybe she could talk sense into him. Or even Teal’c. Teal’c’s lightning fast reflexes could have Daniel safely in his arms and back inside before he even realized it. “Okay, uh, then we’ll get it back.”

Daniel’s closed eyes squinted tighter closed and he felt his chin start to wobble slightly. “You can’t get it back,” he sobbed out. His voice was laden with the regret and pain that built up over the past few years and his shoulders shook under the weight that he’d taken onto himself. The years of carrying the fate of the world had worn him to a nub topped with an exposed nerve that something kept scouring across.

“Whatever’s wrong, we’ll-- we’ll fix it!” Jack promised, injecting his voice with as much sincerity as he could. If he could just grasp onto the slightest string he might be able to lead him back. His weight shifted to the balls of his feet and his entire body went tense and taut, a whipcord ready for action despite his appearance of being liquidy at ease with the situation. It was a stance honed by his years under the banner of black ops.

Daniel lowered his head and swallowed back the wave of tears. “You don’t even know what I’m talking about.” His voice broke and choked despite being far more firm and sharp, like he was losing patience with the whole thing. Jack knew that sound well. It was the sound of Daniel half a step away from giving up.

Despite Daniel’s back still being to him, Jack could imagine the look in his eyes. He’d seen it before, the way the darkness and shadows overwhelmed him, making the blue of his eyes murky and deep. He’d seen it back in the storage room at Stargate Command, only this time there was no gun in play.

Worse, Jack recognized and understood the tone in Daniel’s voice. He could remember it all too easily, the wash of pink across the world, stained by blood that would never fully be washed away. He didn’t know what had finally broken the younger man to that point that Jack had struggled his way out of during their first mission to Abydos.

 _I’m not in a hurry to die. It’s a shame you are._ The words Daniel once so long ago spoke to him that finally broke through the haze of grief and pain reverberated through him.

“No.” Jack’s voice was low. He wasn’t sure what to say or do. Everything he tried seemed to upset Daniel even more. “No I don’t. But come inside.”

Daniel’s head suddenly snapped up and the slump of his shoulders changed. Jack watched with fear as Daniel’s fingers loosened their grip a bit more, the motion seeming unintentional, and his voice seemed confused and distant. “Jack?” he asked, as if he had no idea where he was or what was happening. Gone in an instant was the man-shaped ball of pain, replaced by confusion that showed he had no idea where he was or what was going on.

Fear showed in his eyes as he turned his head and looked over his shoulder at Jack. He didn’t need to. Jack was so well versed in the undertones that Daniel could tack onto a word as simple as his name to understand what had just happened. He didn’t know the reason for it, but he knew that something had just reached inside and pulled Daniel back from the abyss he didn’t realize he was drowning in.

Jack closed the gap between them in two long strides and a hand darted out to grab onto Daniel’s arm, the other one resting on his back in a soothing touch before wrapping around him to rest on his shoulder. He held him tight and felt a sense of short lived relief.

The relief didn’t last. By the time he got him back to base, Daniel had become entirely withdrawn. The mission back to the planet was scrubbed, along with Jack’s leave.  


“The PET scan reveals his neurological activity is slowing,” Dr. Janet Frasier said as Jack and General Hammond came back into the infirmary and looked nearly aghast at the sight of Daniel’s pale unconscious form on the bed. He was hooked up to a host of wires and tubes and the soft beeping of the machines was grating on Jack’s nerves.

“So?” he asked, not sure what exactly it meant for his friend’s health.

“Neurotransmitters relay messages within the body. Too many or too few of these chemical transmissions can result in anxiety, depression or a number of emotional or physical disorders,” the doctor continued.

Jack asked, “Does this have anything to do with Barber’s thing?”

Janet nodded slightly. “The remaining members of SG-5 who returned from the planet with him are reporting almost identical systems,” she reported. “So yes, it seems almost certain. Now, the only good news is that it doesn’t seem to be the result of a contagion.”

Hammond shifted in relief but before he could ask the next obvious question, Jack was already on it. “Well if it’s not a disease, what is it?”

“I uhm, I don’t know,” she admitted quietly. Janet may have understood what was happening on a physiological level but she didn’t like not knowing what caused it. More than that, she didn’t like not knowing how to fix it. “Such a drastic shift in levels is generally drug induced but all of their systems are void of any foreign substances. Not to mention that the preliminary MALP readings of P4X-347 have ruled out all the usual suspects like air and radiation.”

Jack was a man of action. He only saw one option. “So if we retrace their tracks we may be able to come up with something?” he asked hopefully, glancing over at the General.

“I’m afraid Colonel, until we get a grasp on--” Hammond cut in, just as Jack knew he would.

“General.” Jack wasn’t one to usually break in on his commanding officer, but the word punctuated the air with a finality that made Hammond close his mouth. “We saw the shadow on the video. Now something or someone is affecting these guys.”

For once, Janet came to his aid. “More than affecting them, sir. If their brain function continues to fail, they could be facing a worst-case scenario,” she pointed out quietly.

“So we go in MOP-2. Bring back samples of the usual suspects.”

It was never easy being in charge, sending good people off into dangerous situations with unknown outcomes. General Hammond had a couple of years of reprieve upon taking over the operations of the Stargate program. For the first two years, he knew he could send SG-1 into dangerous situations and they would return. He knew because two years prior, a wormhole spit them out into 1969 and he’d met them for the first time when he was a young man. But once that mission happened to them, he no longer had that surefire feeling that they would return. Now they were just as vulnerable as everyone else, but the experience that they had gained in the meantime had forged them into a nearly unstoppable force.

When they had the opportunity to help, let alone save, any member of an SG team, they were always first to volunteer. When it involved one of their own members, that unstoppable force would turn from their enemies onto him and the establishment. He knew no matter what he said, somehow Jack O’Neill was going to get back to that planet and find the answers they so desperately needed.

“You’ve made your case, Colonel. Watch your step,” he acquiesced.

Jack couldn’t help but give a hint of a smile at the lack of argument. It meant they could get a mission assembled and executed that much faster.


	5. It's just a kid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack, Carter and Teal'c go back to P4X-347 and make some discoveries.

The remaining trio of SG-1 stepped through the Stargate and were spit out onto P4X-347 into a opulent room. It was clearly Goa’uld in decor, lavishly overdone to the point of being tacky. The snakes never did do anything halfway, after all

Awkwardly because of the bulk of the environmental suit and mask that they all wore, Carter lowered her P-90 and pulled out a scanner, checking the readings that scrolled into place.

Pillars lined the room, inscribed with some sort of script that looked a step away from being familiar. Jack couldn’t help but wonder if it was like the Goa’uld difference between printing and cursive. Close, but not quite the same. It was likely infuriating to Daniel that it was so similar yet so different. Then again, to Jack’s untrained eye it could be an entirely different language that Daniel could spend hours lecturing him on. “Well. I can see why Daniel was so hot on this place,” Jack pointed out as he looked around and studied the layers of ridiculous pompous decoration.

Teal’c, uncomfortable behind the environmental mask, made a sound of agreement.

Jack turned, forcing his shoulders to do the bulk of the moving since a simple turn of his head wouldn’t bring Carter into proper focus thanks to the confines of the suit. “Whatcha got?”

“The air’s fine, just like the MALP indicated.” Carter studied the readout on the scanner. “Whatever affected Daniel and SG-5, they didn’t breathe it in.” She sounded almost disappointed by it. It was never quite that easy when it came to the Stargate program, let alone Daniel.

That was the information Jack had been waiting for and he quickly tore his mask off, finally breathing easily once the seal was broken and he could breathe the alien atmosphere instead of the filtered air that dried out his lungs.

He was surprised. The air seemed a bit heavier than the thin Colorado air he had left, but it was still within parameters that allowed them to breathe easily. It was always a crapshoot what the air would be like on these planets. None ever came close enough to really pass for Earth even though some made an attempt at it. The mix of chemicals and smells and textures always seemed to be just slightly off.

“Okay,” Jack said as he took in another deep breath and acclimated his lungs to the air. “Watch your step.” As he dropped his mask to the side, Carter had already removed hers and Teal’c was in the process of taking his off as well. They stepped off the platform, eyes peeled for whatever or whomever caused the shadow on the video.

They spread out without discussion. It was second nature by now. Each chose one of the nearby pillars that were covered with the straight lines of the Goa’uld-like language and checked behind it. Jack cleared the first and went to move to the second when he spotted the shadow move behind a screen.

Jack signaled to Carter who had spotted it as well, having followed the line of his gaze. With a nod of understanding, she slid out from behind her pillar and into the room, taking point as they moved through cautiously. Teal’c kept his energy staff at the ready as he followed, majority of his attention on the forward area though he still remained alert to their rear.

The small slim figure realized he had been made and took off in a burst of speed through a doorway from which a purple-blue light spilled. Jack wasn’t quite sure what he saw so he looked over at Carter who had a better vantage point.

“It’s just a kid. Obviously scared of us.”

She glanced back over toward Jack. He was already staring at what she could only assume was the source of the light, cut off from her vision by her location. When he didn’t seem to protest, she moved to follow the kid toward the room with the light.

And what a light.

Her eyes focused on the way the device rose from the floor, spilling a beam of white upward to the ceiling where it draped across the room in a dance of shifting colors. She’d never seen anything so beautiful, so entrancing in her life. She was reminded of the time she had gone to see an orchestra play. The notes the instruments put out were so intertwined and so distinct at the same time and for a moment she had been transported into what she could only describe as being almost a different state of consciousness. The light brought back that feeling tenfold. In wrapped around her and engulfed her.

Jack and Teal’c took up spots around the device as well, they all stared at the purple pattern that moved so delicately across the space in a hypnotic swirl, each lost in a different thought of what it reminded them of.

Teal’c broke their silence after a moment. “I believe this is the room of light of which Daniel Jackson has spoken,” he said reverently.

“Really?” Jack asked, his usual level of sarcasm tempered by a wistful undertone. “Carter? What are we looking at here?”

She pulled herself away from the object and blinked back to focus on the here and now. “Uh,” she started, pulling up the scanner again. “It doesn’t seem to be giving off any detectable radiation other than visible light. I think it’s just decorative.”

“Safe?” he asked.

Teal’c kept staring at the light. A smile touched his lips. “It is most difficult to believe that something so beautiful could be dangerous, O’Neill.”

“No,” Jack breathed out as he watched the play of lights with an open mouth gape. It was the dryness of his open mouth that brought him back to reality a few seconds later and he shook off the distraction. “Phew,” he whistled out. “We’ll come back to look at it. Let’s go.”

He crossed the room, fighting the temptation to look back over his shoulder to the light, instead looking back at his team when he realized the pair wasn’t following along. “Hey!” he called out. “Let’s go!”

Carter jerked back at the sound of his voice. “Right. Sorry, sir.”

Even as they walked along the corridor of what could only be described as a palace, Sam’s thoughts kept drifting back to the light device. “Sir, I’d like to perform a full spectrum analysis on the light.”

“Later,” he said as they kept their P-90s at the ready. Behind them Teal’c followed along, as stoic and quiet as ever.

“I think there might be a relationship between the light and what’s happening to Daniel.” Her voice went softer as they came to a corner and she and Jack raised their weapons to clear the corner before heading down that section of corridor.

Jack felt uneasy, the feeling building more the further away they came from the room with the light, as if that room signaled some sort of safety point. “Thought you said it wasn’t dangerous,” he pointed out to her.

“I’m sure it isn’t, sir. It’s just--” Her words trailed off as they came to a double doorway that had one door slightly open.

Sam slid up to one side and Jack flanked the other as Teal’c took up position just outside, his staff raised at the ready. Jack pushed the door the rest of the way open and slipped inside with Carter and Teal’c just behind him. They quickly started to clear the room before heading down hallways that branched out. Jack rounded a pillar to find the boy hiding in the corner, half hidden by a pillar.

A glance over his shoulder showed that the other two members of his team were not in the immediate vicinity. However, the boy looked to be unarmed and Jack couldn’t find anything readily accessible as a weapon, so he didn’t call for backup. It was just a kid, after all.

“Hi. I’m Jack. And you are…?” Jack paused, but the boy remained still, not offering a reply. He looked around at the obvious signs that this is where the boy was squatting. Up close, it was easier to see that he wasn’t quite as young as he looked, though he still seemed slight and small and very young. Jack would have guessed for him to be around the size of a kid barely old enough for high school but his eyes screamed sad college kid. They were crystal blue eyes and he had a mop of sandy light brown hair that looked to have been hastily cut with a dull knife. Along with the look of curiosity and eagerness, it almost reminded Jack of Daniel when they first met. His clothes were patched together hastily and a bit large on him, like he was playing dress up in something a full sized adult would wear. “Nice digs. Kinda reminds me of my first apartment. How are the people upstairs?”

The kid blurted out, “Loran.” Jack just shook his head a bit at the word, not understanding what it meant.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what Loran means.” He wished suddenly for Daniel’s presence. But Daniel was back on Earth in a comatose state.

“It’s me,” the boy-- Loran, said as he motioned to himself. His voice was unsteady like he wasn’t entirely used to using it.

Well, maybe this linguist diplomat first contact stuff isn’t so hard after all, Jack found himself thinking. “Hi, Loran.”

“Jack.” The word sounded slightly askew in Loran’s mouth, as if he wasn’t used to putting those sounds together on a regular basis.

Jack nodded, trying to remain still otherwise so he didn’t spook the skittish kid. In return, Loran beamed a smile at him. The expression reminded Jack of a puppy after you would pat him on the head, tell him he did good and gave him a treat. “Yeah.” Sam and Teal’c were out of range of hearing his conversation, but he kept his voice low anyway. “Anyone else live here with you?”

For a moment Loran paused like he was considering his response. “Mother and father,” he finally said.

“Can you take me to them?” Jack asked. “I’d like to talk to them.”

Loran’s expression seemed crestfallen, a drastic shift from the smile he’d had before. He shook his head. “No.” Then suddenly the smile was back in place as if it had never faltered. “They’re not here.”

Jack asked, “Not in this place?” Loran shook his head. “So you’re here alone?” With a whisper and a nod his only response, Jack shifted his weight and let his weapon slide to his side. “Well Loran, some of my people came here a few days ago.”

“I was hiding,” the boy said proudly.

“Yeah, well you hide very well because they didn’t even know you were here.” Once again the boy brightened at the slight praise. “The thing is, when they came home they all got very sick. We’d like to figure out why. Do you know?”

Loran shook his head, his expression troubled for a moment. “Okay,” Jack said softly. “Well we’re going to have a look around a little more. Maybe you should come along?” The eager puppy expression was back again. The kid was strange. Jack almost wondered if he was starved for attention and companionship despite his parents being on the planet.

The kid pulled back a little, startled as Jack’s radio crackled to life.

“Colonel, General Hammond has activated the Gate and is on the radio,” came Carter’s voice.

Jack moved slowly as he reached up to touch his own radio and signal back. “All right. Go ahead. I’ll be there.” He motioned to the kid. “Come on.”

 

The MALP camera was moving to scan the area as the team emerged into the room of the palace that held the Stargate. It turned, focusing on Jack and the boy.

“This is Hammond. Come in, Colonel.” Loran peered around the room for the source of the disembodied voice and staggered back a step. “Where is he?” the kid hissed in shock.

Jack touched the radio strapped to his chest. “He’s just sending his voice over the radio. This thing here.” He turned back to the MALP camera. “We read you, General.”

Over at Stargate Command, Hammond studied the boy on the screen “I see you’ve made a friend, Colonel.”

“Yes, sir,” Jack responded, motioning to Loran and then the MALP. “Loran, General Hammond.”

Loran still looked wary. Excited, but wary. “He can see me?”

Despite himself, Hammond cracked a smile at the boy’s enthusiasm. It wasn’t entirely unheard of for alien races to be in awe of Earth technology, especially those that were not as advanced. “Yes I can, son.”

Loran gave a wave to the camera. “Hi!”

Jack tilted his head in a bit, but didn’t move closer. Loran moved back awkwardly as if he suddenly wasn’t sure where to stand. “We haven’t found anything yet, sir, but we’ve only been at it a few minutes.”

Hammond gave a little frown. “It’s been well over an hour, Colonel.” Of all of SG-1, he wouldn’t have been surprised for Dr. Jackson to lose track of time. Even Major Carter he could understand with her single-minded focus while studying a new device. He would never have expected it of Colonel O’Neill or even Teal’c, though.

Jack slid his sleeve up and looked at his watch, frowning as it matched the General’s description. Had they passed through some sort of time dilation field within the place? He’d let Carter worry about it. He had other things to worry about. Especially when Hammond continued. “Jack, I have some bad news. All of SG-5 are dead.”

A heavy lead brick fell into Jack’s stomach at the announcement. SG-5 may not have been his team exactly but as second in command of the SGC, they were part of his command. It was never easy losing someone under your command, especially when you’ve been helpless to keep it from happening.

He heard Carter behind him let out a quiet sound. “What of the condition of Daniel Jackson?” Teal’c asked, forming the question that Jack was loathe to ask. If SG-5 was gone, he couldn’t be that far behind. They’d only been on the planet a short time longer than he was.

“Dr. Frasier is doing everything she can but I’m afraid he’s fallen into a deep coma.” Hammond watched the momentary flash of grief across Jack’s face. “We don’t know how much time he has left.”

Jack nodded a response. At his side, Loran glanced toward him and then away, as if he wanted to say something but didn’t know exactly what. It was clear that this Daniel Jackson person was important to them.

“Understood, sir. We’ll finish gathering our samples and be back shortly. O’Neill out.” Jack stepped forward and cut off the feed for the MALP. Moments later the wormhole disengaged.


	6. A day like any other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teal'c learns more about Loran as Jack comes back with the samples.

Despite the bustle across the silo under Cheyenne Mountain that housed the base for Stargate Command, the Gate room itself was either the busiest room in the place or the most desolate and it veered from being one to the other in a matter of moments as either guards came rushing in to meet a potential threat or the troops cleared out after a mission.

"Unscheduled offworld activation!" came the announcement as the Stargate spun to life, breaking the silence of the room below the Control Room. The room almost seemed to hold its breath as it waited to be filled with people. Hammond hovered in the control room, trying hard not to watch the windows that looked down on the Stargate as if not watching it would make time pass faster.

At Walter's announcement, everyone held their breath for a moment and released it when he added that it was SG-1's IDC being broadcast. The iris covering the Stargate spun open and the wormhole established. Jack stepped through so quickly that he must have been waiting just at the edge of the event horizon for the green all clear signal to step through.

Dr. Frasier and one of her male nurses met him at the base of the ramp and he felt as well as heard the wormhole disengage behind him. He held out the samples to her. "Here are your samples," he said as he handed it to her.

"Did you get the boy's?" she asked as she took it and glanced down.

"Yeah," Jack said, "it's in there." Janet nodded and turned to the nurse, handing the vial-shaped container over to him and telling him to take it to the lab.

Nothing in her stance or tone gave anything away. "How's he doing?" Jack finally asked, the unspoken question hovering between them even before he asked.

Janet's heart went out to him. She knew as well as anyone just how close the Colonel had come to the younger man. They were practically inseparable. Which was odd to anyone who didn't know them and only saw their differences. But she knew better. "I'm afraid his condition is unchanged, sir," she informed him, hiding behind a barrier of formality to keep anything else from leaking through.

Jack nodded and brushed past her. She knew exactly where he'd be going and watched him leave, giving him space before following along.

 

Back at the Palace, Sam was unpacking some of her equipment but the process was going too slow for her liking. She caught herself often distracted, glancing back over her shoulder at the light that drew her attention. Knowing she would need to better understand it, she turned and lifted her gaze, heading back to stand closer again so it could wash over her.

Teal'c looked at an imagery device similar to a Tau'ri camera that was provided by the boy Loran. The boy in the image was far younger than the one who stood before him now. "So approximately how long ago was this image recorded?" he inquired of the boy.

Loran gave a slight smile. "That's my home!" he provided cheerfully, though his expression slipped away as he looked again at the image. "Before we came here."

"So your parents brought you here from another world?" Teal'c asked.

"Yeah," the boy said wistfully as he reached for the image display. "They were explorers. Kind of like you I guess. So they came here then-" he cut off and changed the subject abruptly. "What was it that you were looking for?" he asked as he motioned back behind him to indicate the earlier search.

Teal'c itched to continue the search. Specifically, his attention kept being drawn back to the room with the light. He felt the answer must be there. All he had to do was look for it. "If you cannot give us an explanation to our friend's illness we must continue to search for clues as to what may have caused it," he mentioned.

"Well none of your friends are in here," Loran pointed out as he motioned to his makeshift living space. "Hey! I have to show you something!" he said excitedly as he bounded over to a case and opened it, pulling something out. He reminded Teal'c of a child, bouncing from one topic to another with rapid ease. "This was a present from my father on my birthday."

He lifted a matte gold gun and pointed it at Teal'c.

Teal'c yanked out his Zat gun and pointed it back.

Realizing his mistake, the kid pulled it back to his chest. "No, it's- it's not real," he assured him. He just wanted to show that he had a weapon as well, even if his own did not work. He could play soldier with the others!

As Teal'c lowered his Zat, Loran held his toy phaser pistol out to him and Teal'c took it in hand and inspected it. "Children of the Tau'ri also seem to enjoy colorful weapons that have no function."

"It's fun!" Loran assured him with a smile. The smile widened as Teal'c pulled the trigger toward him and the toy activated, lighting up with colors and emitting a sound.

"I see," Teal'c said thoughtfully. "On my home world of Chulak we do not celebrate the anniversary of one's birth."

This shocked Loran. His birthday had always been an important event to his parents. He couldn't imagine it being different. "No presents?" he asked with dismay.

"It is a day like any other."

This made Loran sad and he shook his head. "Well how do you know how old you are?" he asked, slightly confused.

Teal'c stated a simple, "I am one hundred and one years of age."

Loran looked shocked as he stared at the large Jaffa. "You don't look that old," he assured him.

"So I have been told." Teal'c was still not used to the differences in the aging process between his friends and himself. It was something he tried not to think about too frequently. One day he would long outlive all his friends. He had already outlived Daniel Jackson, though somehow the man could never seem to make his death stick.

"So when do you turn a hundred and two?" Loran asked excitedly, nearly bouncing on the balls of his feet.

Teal'c looked thoughtful, doing a quick mental calculation. "In forty seven days."

He looked down at the toy in his hand thoughtfully before holding it back toward Loran who brushed it away.

"Keep it," Loran assured him with a wide smile. "It's a birthday present."

"I cannot."

"In forty seven days you'll be gone, right?" he asked as Teal'c tilted his head, not quite understanding. "I won't be able to give you a present then. You keep it."

As Teal'c pressed the trigger of the toy again, it lit up and the Jaffa couldn't help himself. He smiled.

In the other room, Samantha Carter continued to stare into the depths of the light show, unaware of the passing of time.


	7. Dollars to Doughnuts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel's dying so Jack takes drastic measures to return to the planet.

Daniel looked pale and small in the infirmary bed. Jack sat on the bed next to his, elbows resting on his thighs and his chin caught in his hands, watching intently as nothing happened.

He rubbed his eyes. He rubbed his hands together. He fidgeted and shifted his weight and wished like hell there was something more he could do rather than just sit there. He slid off the bed and started pacing a well-worn pathway around the beds, pausing at the foot of Daniel’s. He rubbed the back of his neck. Finally, he grabbed onto the metal folder that held the patient chart, intending to flip it open to read what he already had memorized. Instead, he found himself slamming it against the table so hard that it knocked things off with a clatter.

Janet handed off the chart she was holding to one of the nurses and quickly moved over. “Colonel? Everything alright?” she asked with concern.

“What kind of dumb ass question is that?” Jack snapped back, pointing a finger at the bed that contained Daniel. “My friend is lying here on his deathbed. I’m _fine_.” As always, he resorted to sarcasm as a way to vent his emotions and irritability.

“We’re working on the problem, sir.” Once more Janet found herself falling into the formality that kept her position from becoming emotional. Jack wasn’t the only one who wanted to rail and shout against the situation. She just couldn’t afford to do it.

Jack slammed the chart again, his voice raised so loud and sharp that Janet felt herself step back involuntarily. For a brief moment, she saw a flash of what she had assumed based on his medical history and rumor. There was a darkness there in him that was always shielded but for a flash it came to the forefront and for the first time ever, she was scared of him. “I don’t want excuses!” he shouted.

One of the guards posted around the base stepped into the infirmary and Janet waved him off. She swallowed back the fear and kept her voice level.

“Colonel O’Neill, if you don’t calm down right now, I will have you removed from my infirmary. Is that clear?”

Jack’s shoulders slumped as he leaned forward against the table and took a steadying breath. “I’m fine,” he said, his voice lower, more controlled.

“Sir, I’d like to recheck your dopamine levels.”

He heard her words but it took a moment to make sense of them. A pain was shooting through his brain in a terrible headache and he was having trouble holding back an overwhelming and unwelcome urge to cry.

Jack O’Neill did not cry.

He rubbed his eyes and smashed his palm against his forehead as if that would help with the pounding headache. “It’s happening to me, isn’t it?”

Tentatively, Janet reached a hand out toward him. “Let me find out. Please.”

He rubbed at his eyes again and his face remained momentarily scrunched up with a series of conflicting and overwhelming emotions. It was the sense of loss inside that he recognized, though. He needed _something_ and he wasn’t sure what it was. But he needed it now. He brushed past her and moved to a bed with Janet hot on his heels.

As they ran the tests, Jack felt his brain hammering against the inside of his skull. The infirmary lights were too bright. The sounds were too loud. Even the texture of the blanket and his BDUs seemed too scratchy, too _much_ for him. He felt like there were spiders and lightning just below the surface of his skin and he didn’t know if he wanted to run until he could sweat it out or if he wanted to curl up under a blanket in the dark and just sleep for a month.

He hardly even noticed when General Hammond and Dr. Frasier came in to check on him, realizing it only when he heard her speak.

“Whatever’s causing this actually accelerates neural activity in the brain and causes a dopamine-like effect in the body,” she offered by way of explanation.

He knew it. “Kind of like drugs,” he mumbled.

Janet closed the folder. “Only as long as you’re on the planet. Shortly after you returned, neural activity begins to decrease and depression settles in. Blood work confirms it.”

“Does the boy carry any immunity we can use to our advantage?” Hammond asked her.

“No,” Janet said with a shake of her head. “His blood work came back the same. I don’t think he’ll be able to leave the planet without experience the same narcotic withdrawal symptoms.”

“But Colonel O’Neill was only on that planet for a little over an hour.”

“Yes, sir, but this addiction appears to be almost instantaneous,” she explained.

Jack groaned and tried to roll from his side to his back, but found it was a bad idea so he stayed put for a moment and braced himself. “You’re telling me I’m addicted to that place?”

Janet couldn’t think of a better way to put it so she didn’t even try to correct him. For all she knew, he was right. “The intensity of your mood swing into depression seems to be proportional to the time you spent on the planet. All we can do is hope that your exposure wasn’t long enough for your symptoms to get as bad as they did with Daniel and the others.”

“Great, all those years of just saying no.” At least Jack still had enough of himself left to slip into sarcasm, a fact that both Dr. Frasier and General Hammond found hopeful. He finally felt solid enough to roll onto his back, his hands rubbing at his eyes again.

Hammond lifted his chin a little. “Jack,” he said, the single word bracing O’Neill for bad news. “I tried to recall Major Carter and Teal’c. They haven’t responded and I can’t risk sending another team.”

Before he could finish, Janet and Jack’s attention become focused on a strange new rhythm to the beeping of the machines attached to Daniel. The urgency in Janet’s step gave away more than her face.

“What’s that?” Jack asked as he sat up, seeing Daniel shaking slightly in the bed. It was more movement than he’d shown in hours. Adrenaline and fear overrode any sense of pain or discomfort that Jack had been experiencing.

“His EEG is sporadic.” She tore her gaze away from the monitor and looked over at Jack. “This is exactly what happened to the members of SG-5 before they died. Sir, you’re going to have to take him back to the planet.”

Despite the worry that settled into his gut, Jack couldn’t deny the sense of thrill that came with her words and the sense of rightness that came with the thought of returning to the planet and to the light.

Jack threw his jacket back on and shoved his feet into his boots with lightning fast movements. His boots were barely laced when the infirmary staff had Daniel’s gurney ready to go and they raced down the corridor toward the Gate room. “Once you’re there I’ll need you to send me his vital signs every--” Her words cut off as a beeping became frantic and then stopped. “He’s coding! No time to resuscitate, let’s go!” she commanded as they finished their mad sprint to the Stargate.

The Stargate was already active and waiting for them when they tore around the corner, a nurse already pulling out the IV as Janet detached him from everything else. The gurney ground to a halt and they didn’t even slam on the brake to hold it steady as Jack ripped the mask off his face and threw him over his shoulder into a fireman’s carry. He ran up the ramp and through the wormhole.

Coming out the other side, Jack inhaled a deep breath of the air and gently dropped Daniel onto the floor, carefully cradling his head as he laid him down. He wasn’t quite sure why, but he had expected Daniel to magically take a breath as soon as they passed to the planet’s side, but he still wasn’t breathing and there was no sign of a pulse. He hadn’t saved him just hours before from jumping to his death only to lose him now.

“Daniel. Daniel! Come on, come on. Dammit Daniel, let’s go. Come on!” he begged, pleaded and shouted before turning his head. “Carter! Teal’c!” he bellowed as loud as he could, shaking Daniel and even slapping at his cheeks to try and wake him up.

Carter and Teal’c did not appear, but Loran did. He stepped slowly around the corner and moved closer. Jack looked up at him. “Where are my friends?” he asked Loran.

“With the light,” the boy replied as if there was nowhere else they should be.

“Get them for me, will you?”

Loran hesitated. “They won’t come,” he informed Jack.

“Well try!” Jack shouted.

Loran stepped back, startled by the snappish tone and volume. He turned and ran off.

Jack watched after him for a moment before something drew his attention to the floor. Daniel made a slight motion, he was sure of it. Suddenly he made the faintest groaning sound and Jack knew he was starting to come to. They had pulled him back from death’s grasp once again.

Once he was satisfied that Daniel was breathing, even if he was not yet awake, Jack left him to go find the missing members of his team. He found Loran standing just outside the light room, looking guilty. “I’m not allowed to go in there,” he told Jack as he passed, storming by.

“For God’s sake,” Jack muttered angrily. “Carter!” he called to her as he approached. She didn’t respond. She was standing perfectly still, just staring at the light. Jack grabbed her and spun her around, shaking her almost violently. “Carter, wake up!”

She looked dazed. “You’re back, sir. When?” Her voice was unsteady, like she had just woken up from a dream state.

Jack didn’t respond. Instead, he reached over and slapped Teal’c on the arm a few times to get his attention. “Teal’c! Teal’c!”

Slowly Teal’c turned his head toward Jack. “Come on,” he said with a nod of his head toward the door. “Outta here. Right now.” He felt his eyes start to veer back to the light and forced himself to turn away.

Teal’c and Carter trailed along behind him and he didn’t look back, but he was growing more and more sure that they were both looking behind them at the light.

When they emerged into the Gate room, Daniel had managed to sit up at the edge of the platform, arms crossed over his knees, his head down. He looked exhausted, but at least his skin was showing signs of color coming back. “Daniel Jackson,” Teal’c greeted him in surprise. Carter smiled as she spotted him. Loran lingered in the background, not wanting to interrupt the reunion of who he assumed was the sick friend they had been so worried about. He recognized the man from his earlier trip to the planet. He seemed smart and kind. Loran was glad he wasn’t dead.

“Yep,” Jack said as he plopped down next to Daniel. “Had to bring him back. It was the only thing that was going to keep him alive.” He didn’t mention that technically, Daniel was probably dead for a few moments. He tried to blame it on the fact that he’d lose the pool if he admitted it, but deep inside he knew it was more of a relief than it should be.

Carter tried to make sense of things. Jack had just left. “Sir, how long were you gone?” she asked uncertainly.

“Few hours,” Jack said as he slumped there on the platform, the knot of tension starting to ease up and unravel from his shoulders and his gut. He wasn’t sure if it was being back at the planet or if it was Daniel’s apparent recovery or both. “Hammond tried to contact you.”

“He did not,” Teal’c mentioned flatly.

“He did.” Aside from Daniel who was still curled into himself, they all turned toward Loran who stepped further into the room. “I heard his voice.”

“Where were we?” Carter asked, confused and uncertain.

Loran motioned over his shoulder to the light room. “In there.”

She turned to look at Jack who fixed her her with a stark expression. “I-- I can’t explain it, sir,” she apologized.

Jack wasn’t surprised. “Well Frasier thinks we’re all addicted to something here that alters our brain chemistry,” he explained before pointing two fingers harshly toward the hallway. “And dollars to doughnuts it’s that damn light.”

“Oh, I don’t see how that’s possible,” Carter protested with a shake of her head. The light wasn’t dangerous. It was beautiful. It was entrancing. It felt good and _right_. Besides, it was just a light.

Jack glanced over at Loran who tried to school his expression and failed. He pointed at the boy. “Hey. You knew, didn’t you?”

Loran looked guilty and shook his head, face scrunching up like he was almost ready to cry as he mumbled a protest.

“That’s why you’re not allowed in there!”

“My-- my father said I was too young,” Loran stammered.

Jack wasn’t convinced, but he didn’t have time to grill the kid more. Sam’s brain, now clearing itself of the swishy aftermath of the light, had kicked into science mode. “Sir, if it’s the light itself, then how did Daniel recover just by arriving on the planet?” she pointed out as if she was trying to stick holes into his theory.

“I don’t know, Major, but I want you to find out.” Using her rank instead of her name, Sam knew Jack was still biting back his anger at the situation. He never like feeling even the slightest bit helpless and helpless was exactly how he felt right then. It was supposed to be an easy mission for them and a weekend off for him. He had plans. He had sleep to catch up on. He had beer to drink and he was missing out on all of it to be stuck on a stupid planet with a stupid light. “Otherwise we’re stuck here indefinitely and that’s not acceptable.”

He lurched to his feet and started to storm toward the hallway. “Ah screw it. We’re shutting that thing off,” he decided.

As he passed Loran, the boy called out a quiet, “No!” in protest and Jack stopped long enough to turn to him and point. “You stay here,” he demanded as he continued on. Loran stepped out of the path of Carter and Teal’c, torn between following Jack’s order and chasing after them to stop them before they could enter the forbidden room.

“What are we looking for, sir?” Carter asked as they passed the threshold.

Jack kept his eyes on the device, trying not to watch the play of light that washed across it. It was like a liquid made of light, glowing from the inside like nothing he had ever seen before. It swirled and danced and he fought to keep his attention away from it. “The off switch,” he called out, reminding himself as much as her. He lifted a hand to the device, watching the light as it interacted with his hand, almost like the glow was an organic living thing that wrapped itself carefully around him. “Alright, if we can’t shut the uh, the thing off,” he drawled out, his voice slowing as he became more engaged with the light, “We’ll…”

He barely heard Teal’c’s shout of his name. It was like the word was on the outskirts of his brain and it was so easy to ignore it, to fall into the glow and let it envelope him and wrap through his brain. Somehow he managed to yank himself out of it and stepped back. “Aw man, that thing’s dangerous.”

He was now convinced that the light was somehow responsible for everything that was going wrong. And he knew the longer they spent with it, the worse the aftermath would be when they returned to Earth. Somehow they had to make it stop.

Carter circled the base of the device. “My guess is the control mechanism is somewhere inside this pedestal,” she theorized. “If we focus our attention on that, we should be alright.”

 **  
** Jack nodded. "Let's get to work, then."


	8. More lives than an entire litter of cats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hammond makes contact with Daniel as the rest of the team finds out more about the kid and his missing parents.

Sometimes General Hammond envied his Gate teams. They were the last of the true explorers. They got to experience the thrill of being somewhere that nobody from Earth had ever been, or at least not since the planet had been settled by those stolen from the planet so many years before. They had the adrenaline rush of battle even if it came with a gut-wrenching fear. But most of all, he envied that they were not the ones standing safely in a room waiting for news.

He had Walter fire up the Gate again to check in and relief flooded him as the camera turned on and Dr. Jackson came into focus. The man looked beyond weary, but he was alive and breathing once again. Clearly he had more lives than an entire litter of cats.

"Glad to see you're alive and well, Dr. Jackson. We thought we'd lost you."

Daniel's face was partially obscured by the radio and he couldn't tell if it was shadows that made the circles under his eyes so dark or if it was his earlier flatlining. "To be honest, General, I don't really remember much after yelling at you. Sorry about that, by the way."

At least, Hammond thought, the man had the decency to look slightly ashamed at his behavior. "That's alright," he assured him. Hey, the man died yet again. He could cut the guy some slack. "Is there anything else you need?"

"My glasses," Daniel was quick to supply. He did a mental tally. What do we have, what do we need. Food and water. Small comforts like clean socks and pillows. "And uhm, supplies. Looks like we're not going anywhere for a while. Oh and that little remote computer thing I couldn't make work before."

"I'll send it through immediately. Where's Colonel O'Neill?"

Daniel wasn't sure. He looked behind him and spotted Loran standing there, watching with a fixated look. "I'm not sure. I'll find out."

It didn't take long for the SGC personnel to assemble the requested items and Hammond sent them through. As soon as they arrived, Daniel shoved his glasses onto his face and grabbed for the device.

"Guys! I've figured out how to…" He stopped as he entered the light room and found all three members of his team standing perfectly still, focused on the light once again.

With a frown, he held the device out and pressed a button, careful not to look up at the light show.

The light cut out and dissipated, sliding down the walls and disappearing into the air.

They each turned to him, first Sam, then Teal'c, then Jack slowly turning with a look of longing. "How did you do that?" Sam asked.

Daniel held up the device. "Remote control."

"I thought that thing was broken," Jack pointed out.

"Yeah, you were right," Daniel said with a lift of his eyebrows. "It was the batteries."

Jack let out a quiet huh sound. "I was right?"

"At least, I think it draws power from something in the room itself. That's why I couldn't get it to work back on Earth."

Jack shifted uncomfortably. Now that he was moving, he could feel the subtle protest of his knee at being still for so long. "How long were we standing here?"

Daniel shrugged. "I'm not sure. General Hammond sent some supplies and Loran and I figured out how to translate the writing on this thing so…" The words 'a while' were left unsaid.

"That long?" Jack asked, aghast.

"Yeah well, perception of time is one of the first things to go when you're… high." Daniel slightly balked at the use of the word, but it was the only one that fit. It brought back bad memories of the last time he had fought an addiction after the incident with Shyla and her father's sarcophagus. "From what I've been able to translate so far with Loran's help, the Goa'uld used to use this place as some sort of opium den. The only difference is that their symbiotes must have kept the host's mind chemically balanced once they left."

Teal'c pointed out "Then it is most likely I will be able to leave this planet."

"Oh how nice for you," Jack replied.

"Wait a minute," Carter cut in. "If you turned it off, how come I'm not getting depressed?"

"Perhaps," Teal'c offered, "it will take some time to feel its effects."

Jack let out a quiet sigh. "Well then, let's take advantage of that time," he decided as they left the room with the deactivated device and headed back to the Gate room.

The kid was sitting on the edge of the Stargate platform where Jack sat next to Daniel earlier. "Loran!" he snapped to the kid.

"Jack!" he replied, all too chipper.

"Alright," Jack asked, arms crossed over his chest. "Where exactly did your parents actually go?"

"Far far away from here." Loran suddenly looked a little uncomfortable, his face falling.

"How far?" Jack asked, "Which direction?" he demanded. Loran just looked away, his mouth working like he was trying to figure out what to say. He refused to meet Jack's eyes and Jack threw up his arms in frustration and turned away from him. "Kid's hiding something," he said quietly. "Teal'c, Carter, with me."

Daniel watched Loran as the kid watched Jack walk out.

The decor outside of the palace was just as gaudy and tacky as the inside, Jack thought. The main building was shaped like a stone sphinx surrounded by what Jack could only assume were pharaohs or something. Random statues with animal heads scattered among the buildings.

The trio walked along a muddy beach made of a mix of mossy grass and a thick sandy dirt. Waves lapped against the edge and some sort of birds swept overhead, reminding Jack of seagulls.

Jack fell back to keep pace with Carter who had started to fall behind. Teal'c kept up his pace ahead of them.

"What?" Jack prompted as gently as he could.

Sam couldn't help but think about her brother. She'd just recently sent him a card for his upcoming birthday. He'd probably do his obligatory call to her to thank her and she wouldn't be there for it. It wasn't as much the fact that she wanted to talk to her brother as the fact that she might never have the chance to again that weighed on her mind. "I guess the reality that we may never go home is starting to set in." For some reason, it was weighing heavily on her mind.

"Oh, Hammond'll keep up supplied with everything we need until we can figure this out," he offered adding, "It's a nice beach."

Carter fought the urge to roll her eyes at him and his lackadaisical attitude about it all. "It'd be a good excuse for you, wouldn't it?"

Jack peered at her. "Huh?"

She kept her gaze forward, but he saw the narrowing of her eyes. "To do nothing for a while."

They took a few more steps as Jack let the words roll through his mind. "What?"

Carter shook her head. "Forget it," she muttered.

"That would be, 'Forget it, _sir_ ,'" he snapped back.

"Oh please!" she grouched back. "You think I'm keeping that up if we're stuck here forever?"

"Listen, Major," he started, cut off by her glare.

"No way!"

Jack felt a flash of anger rise within him at her insubordination. They might be stuck for the time being, but they were still on a mission and he was still her commanding officer. "That's 'No way, _Colonel_ '!"

It wasn't like Carter to argue with him, but she raised her voice, almost tripping over her words. "I'm supposed to just accept that? That's the way it's going to be?" she demanded in a voice higher pitched than usual. He was infuriating. She couldn't believe she had ever thought she could be close to him. He was just another testosterone-laden jackass military man who wanted to talk down to her because she was a woman and she was sick of it.

"That's the way it is!" Jack snapped back. Carter started to shout back at him again and he stopped, grabbing onto the front of her jacket and pulling her to face him, the motion a bit more violent than intended. "Carter!" he shouted over her whining, getting her to finally stop her tirade before it became an all out fist fight. "You're in withdrawal!"

"Oh, _I'm_ in withdrawal?!" she yelled.

"Yes!" Jack said, stunning her into silence. "So am I!"

She stared at him, taking inventory of her emotions. They stood there staring at each other, breathing in and out until they started to calm down.

"O'Neill! Major Carter!" Teal'c called out to them. They hurried over to where he knelt in the sandy ground before two stacks of stones at the head of what were two skeletons that were partially unburied. "I believe I have located the parents of Loran."

Teal'c swept some of the dirt covering the skeletons away. They'd clearly been there for quite some time and despite the buzz that was grating at the back of his mind, Jack was starting to understand more about Loran and his presence on the planet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI I'll be gone for a couple of days so won't keep up with my chapter-a-day uploading. Hope you are all enjoying the story so far! If you have any feedback please let me know, and if you have any suggestions for the next episode to tackle please tell me!


	9. Like a Goa'uld television

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel and Jack come to similar conclusions and Loran has something to hide.

Daniel flipped through pages of notes that he had taken so far, trying to translate the rest of the text on the device. Loran sat nearby, quiet for some time but eventually unable to keep from talking. He’d been so alone, so starved for companionship for so long, that he couldn’t help but talk to his new friends.

Taking his ever-present image capture device over to Daniel, he showed him the photograph. “That’s my mother and father there,” he pointed out. “And that’s me!”

Daniel studied the image for a moment, a thoughtful frown creasing the area between his eyebrows. “You were a lot younger there.”

“Yeah,” Loran said with a smile. “It’s old.”

“Yeah, about that,” Daniel started, only to be cut off by Loran.

“Hey! Can I take an image of you?”

Daniel nodded his assent. “Sure,” he said, seeing that for some reason it was important to the kid.

Loran moved away from him and held the device up. It wasn’t too dissimilar from the cameras of Earth. The flash was bright and tinted a sort of pink. He hurried back over to hold it out to Daniel to look at, excited to share.

“That’s great,” Loran said with a wide smile as he crouched near Daniel’s seat. “You know, I’m sorry that you can’t leave.”

Daniel narrowed his eyes a little. “Are you?” he asked. Loran looked up at him and his smile faded. “I mean, it makes sense that you’d want some company. I’m just thinking maybe that’s the reason you didn’t tell us how dangerous the light was.”

“No!”

“It’s okay!” Daniel assured him. “I’m not mad.”

“That… that’s not why,” Loran said. He looked like he was about to add something else, but before he could, heavy footsteps signalled the return of the rest of the team.

“What’s wrong?” Daniel asked. They looked tired. Actually, Sam looked cranky and Jack looked exhausted. Jack pulled off his hat and slumped forward with a deep breath.

Jack groaned as he straightened back up. “Oh we’re just going through that withdrawal thing again.”

Daniel didn’t get it. “I felt fine the whole time you were gone.”

“Actually sir,” Carter chimed in. “I’m starting to feel myself again.”

Jack realized that the buzz that prickled the back of his neck and the thud-ump of his pulse that was starting to pound in his brain had receded at some point. “Me too. What’s going on?”

Leave it to Carter to state the obvious. “Well something other than that light must be affecting us,” she pointed out.

“And we must stay in close proximity,” Teal’c finished for her.

Daniel felt his heart fall. “So not only are we stuck here, we’re…” he motioned to the room. “We’re stuck _here_.”

They all went quiet as it sunk in. They were going to have to live out the rest of their days in an abandoned Goa’uld drug flop house.

Jack had never missed his office at the SGC as much as he did in that moment.

Even with the light off, their symptoms continued to improve. It was clearly not the light itself that was causing their addiction so they took to studying it further. Since it was off, Loran tentatively followed them into the room he’d been forbidden from entering before.

It wasn’t as elegant as it seemed when the play of light fell across it. The device was a simple array of crystals with curved arms to focus the energy. That much Sam could tell just by looking at it. Part of her itched to tear it apart and delve into the workings of it, as much from professional curiosity as she hoped to find a way to figure things out and be allowed to finally go home without the fear of insanity and death looming over her.

Jack rocked back on his heels and stared at the device. He couldn’t believe he’d spent so much time just staring at it, let alone spent so much time thinking about it. It was boring. “Well it’s sure not as much fun to look at with the light off.”

He wasn’t the only one who felt that way. “I feel no compulsion to remain here,” Teal’c supplied.

“Sir, I think you may be onto something,” Carter said, putting slight emphasis on the _sir_ in an attempt to apologize for her earlier shrewish refusal to acknowledge Jack’s rank and authority as team leader. Jack looked at her quizzically. “The light isn’t what’s affecting our minds. It’s just something to take advantage of the altered state of our brain chemistry.”

Jack couldn’t fight back a comparison to a Goa’uld television. Daniel echoed it with, “So it’s… entertainment?”

Carter nodded, glancing back to the device before looking over at Daniel. “Well, probably more than that. The color and light interaction with our optic nerve probably triggers the chemical responses, but it’s not the direct cause of the imbalance.”

Even though he often played dumb, Colonel Jack O’Neill was just as intelligent as the other members of his team. Well, close. Carter was a genius in her field. Daniel was just a plain genius in general. But he could hold his own. So he followed along without preamble asking her to dumb it down for once. There wasn’t time to waste on pretending to not get it. “What is the cause, then?” he asked.

“There must be some sort of a hidden device emitting some form of energy or radiation that we can’t detect with our instruments.”

It made sense. Jack might not be any sort of expert on biology or energy or physics, but it made sense. He glanced over at the kid for a moment. “Alright Loren, why doesn’t this room seem to affect you?” he asked.

Loran looked over. “I’m too young.” He shifted his weight from one hip to the other.

“How do you know that?” Jack asked.

“My father told me.” Loran looked back at Jack with such sincerity that Jack knew he wasn’t lying. The kid was too easy to read, too eager to make friends after his apparent years of isolation.

Carter shrugged. “It is possible that this place can only affect an adult physiology.”

Jack shook his head. “Frasier says he’s just as addicted as we are.”

Loran looked a little nervous. “She’s right. The light didn’t have any affect on me,” he pointed out. He might not have been in the room itself, having avoided setting foot over the threshold, but he’d been close enough to watch it and it never captured his attention the same way it had the SG teams.

“Then what’d it do to your parents?” Jack asked. Loran swallowed back some words and opened his mouth, closing it again. His body language screamed that he was hiding something. Jack felt his anger percolate again, despite the lack of withdrawal. He was tired of not having answers. “We need to know what this thing does!”

Loran flashed his smile again. “When they get back, they’ll explain,” he assured him.

“They’re not coming back!” Jack shouted. “You know that!”

The rest of the team stayed quiet, not wanting to get into the pathway of Jack’s anger. Even Loran seemed to pick up on it and shied away slightly, his shoulders turning into himself like he was trying to find comfort where none could be found.

Loran nearly sobbed out, “They are!”

Clearly Loran was delusional and Jack was tired of treating him with kid gloves. It hadn’t helped to wait for him to open up, Jack was going to have to take a harder approach. It wasn’t easy. Loran reminded him too much of his own failings as a parent and also as a team leader turned mentor turned best friend turned whatever he was to Daniel, not to mention Teal’c. He was done pussyfooting around.

“Someone buried those bodies!” Jack’s voice was beyond raised and the acoustics of the room echoed back at him slightly. “Now how do you shut that thing off?!”

He felt almost bad as Loran’s mask fell away and he showed the truth he’d been hiding. Jack was staring back at a scared little kid who had been alone for far too long.

Loran stared at him for a moment before hurrying over to the device. He pressed a side panel and the control section began to lower. He ran out before it finished moving.

Jack watched after the kid as he raced from the room back toward where he had made his bedroom. Carter shot him a look and he looked down at the floor for a moment, regretting his shouting at the kid. Daniel and Teal’c tried to look away.

“Figure that thing out,” Jack said quietly to Carter as he followed after the kid.

Loran had holed up in his room just as Jack had assumed. He rounded the corner and watched as the kid sat slumped over, eyes fixated on the view screen of his alien camera. Jack slowly moved into the room. “Hey,” he said softly. Loran’s eyes drifted from the screen but he didn’t look over. “I’m sorry.”

He sat down on the edge of the bed near the kid and tried to find a way to bridge the gap. “Nice picture,” he finally offered. “Your parents?”

When Loran finally turned to look at him, his eyes were glassed over with unshed tears. “I-- I killed them,” he said, voice heavy.

“You?” Jack asked. “I find that--” He didn’t finish, instead taking a breath. “What happened?”

“We found this place.” Jack had to strain to hear his words and he watched as tears started to well out of the kid’s eyes and onto his cheeks. “All that they would do is stare at that light. All day. The light didn’t affect me. My father said it was because I was too young. But they didn’t let me in the light room anyway. I told them to stop,” he insisted, finally looking up at Jack’s face. “Every day. But they’d just tell me to bring them things.”

“Okay.” Jack tried to make his voice sound forgiving, but he wasn’t even sure if that was what the kid wanted or if he even succeeded in adjusting his tone of voice. “So you did that. And?”

For a kid so full of regret and pain and loneliness, his voice was thin. “And one day I stopped.”

Jack didn’t interrupt, even when the kid took a long pause. “It was days before their hunger was stronger than the light. Then they came out looking for me. Looking for food. And I snuck into the light room and… and I turned it off. Not just the light. Everything. I didn’t know that it would hurt them. I just wanted to go home.”

“Hey, it’s not your fault,” Jack assured him.

Loran burst into tears and Jack was reminded that despite looking at a kid about to enter his teens, inside he was still just a little boy who wanted his parents. “They died because of me. They were screaming. They ran outside. They didn’t make any sense! They just wanted the light turned back on. So I did. I turned it back on. But they were already in the water, so far away. And they just kept on going.” He wiped at his tears. “They just kept on going and screaming and I’d turned it back on! But they just kept on going. And then they were gone. The next day I found them on the shore.”

Jack leaned in slightly. “Loran, you were trying to help them. You were trying to free them from something. It wasn’t your fault.”

Loran’s head lowered and he took in a ragged breath. “I miss them,” he whined.

Jack nodded and reached a hand up to ruffle the kid’s hair. “Yeah,” he said quietly, his heart breaking for the kid’s loss.


End file.
